Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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