i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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