just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
