So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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