There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
