Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize