don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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