is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
