i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
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He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
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#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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