you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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