96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
