Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
