my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
