you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize