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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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