go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
