Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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