Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
