If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
