You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
