It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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