I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
