...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
