It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
