I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
