i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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