my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
