Grow some girl-balls and come out already
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
