sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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