Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
