Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
