and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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