OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
