Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
