my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
