Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
