That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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