apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
