i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
