Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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