I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
