Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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