Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
