Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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