I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
