I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
