If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
