I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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