Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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