I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
