They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I intend to get homeless drunk
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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