I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
