Jerry, you need to find god
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
