I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize