im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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