did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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