I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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