God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
