I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
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The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
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I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.