I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
