I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.