he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
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if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
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Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher