$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
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i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
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You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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