Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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