tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
