I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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