so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
