I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
