I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
