It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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