oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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