Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
