were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
