Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
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