It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
