Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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