he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
