I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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