dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
