some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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