Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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