Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
