So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
