Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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