yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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