I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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