I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
