you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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