She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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