You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
