something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
