i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
