No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
