tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
