well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
