so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
